she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
