My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
