Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
