How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
