Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
