Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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