$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
