I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
