You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
