I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
