I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
