I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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