I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
