I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
