SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
even my farts smell like vagina
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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