I'm sorry my penis didn't work
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
