and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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