You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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