Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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