are you still at the devil's house?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Pooping to opera.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
