Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
