i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
