Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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