Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
