So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
