i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
