3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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