There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
