you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
