Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
