He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Quick, to the slutcave!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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