Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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