Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
