I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Congratulations! We have a period
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