While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
