Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
