We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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