how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
