I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
