He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
