you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
