I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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