Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
