I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
