My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
