When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
