i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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