your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think I died a long time ago.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
