I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
