i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
