i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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