Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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