No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
