I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
