god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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