i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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