I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
