the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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