Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
